September 15th, 2011′ Journal Entry –
I woke up at 5:30am and my back really hurt. I was upset to be up so early again. I took an Ibuprofen, woke Brian up and just laid in bed til’ 6:45am. I felt guilty that I didn’t want to get up and do my devotions. I wanted to be with God, but I was weak and tired. I asked God what He wanted me to do and He said rest. So that is why it is close to 7am. But it amazed me how relevant Jesus Calling (devotional) was to my situation. So I am going to copy the entire entry to remember.
Jesus Calling “Rest in Me, My child. This time devoted to Me is meant to be peaceful, not stressful. You don’t have to perform in order to receive My love. I have boundless, unconditional love for you. How it grieves Me to see My children working for love and trying harder and harder, yet never feeling good enough to be loved. Be careful that your devotion to Me does not become another form of works. I want you to come into My Presence joyfully and confidently. You have nothing to fear, for you wear My own righteousness. Gaze into My eyes, and you will see no condemnation, only Love and delight in the one I see. Be blessed as My face shines radiantly upon you, giving you peace.” inspired by John 15:13; Zephaniah 3:17; Numbers 6:25-26
September 16th – journal entry
I read through my prayer journal from 5-6am. I woke up with my back hurting. How do I put all that I’ve learned during my fast in story form? There is so much.
I kinda thought God would direct me to what to do next in my singing career through this fast, but instead what He did was change my anxious heart into a peaceful one.
Spirit – I love you, Lara. I am so proud of you. You stayed true to your mission to finding Me. I am blessed. Oh My dear child you have no idea what I have instore for you. It is very exciting. Have fun today at CMS. Go and be available. Go and walk in my rest. I am so proud of you. You did it. Isn’t My peace amazing? I am Your Father, Lara and I love you with an unquenchable love. You delight Me. Sing for Me alone. I love to hear you sing for Me.
Jesus Calling “I designed you to live in union with Me. This union does not negate who you are; it actually makes you more fully yourself. When you try to live independently of Me, you experience emptiness and dissatisfaction. You may gain the whole world and yet lose everything that really counts…Though I may lead you along paths that feel dim to you, trust that I know what I am doing. If you follow Me wholeheartedly, you will discover facets of yourself that were previously hidden. I know you intimately-far better than you know yourself. In union with Me, you are complete. In closeness to Me, you are transformed more and more into the one I designed you to be.” inspired by Mark 8:36; Psalm 139:16; 2 Corinthians 3:17-18
** What an incredible time I had with the God of the universe! I had forgotten what it was like to actually have a relationship with Him. Even though I was living for Him I really wasn’t living with Him. I came to a place of surrender. That was what He wanted because it was then that He had the opportunity to work in and through me, changing me from the inside out. I don’t ever want to go back to the worry, the fear, the anxiety, the stress, the frustration, the anger, the bitterness, the pride, the control, the judgmental spirit, and the wandering, that I felt before my fast. I know and still feel those things, but I have learned to go right to Jesus first and spend time in His Presence. There is nothing on this earth that can compare to His great love. What I have learned in my life, you can learn in yours. God gave us Jesus, His Son, to be the direct link to God Himself. Through Jesus alone, we find grace and mercy. When we receive those things from Him each day we can then be filled up with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22) I realize now those are gifts from God. Going through so much unrest in my life to finding peace, I can tell you it is an amazing gift! There is no one perfect, not one. We all fall short of perfection. I love knowing I am not perfect because there is no pressure to be perfect. = ) I know I will make mistakes, but hopefully with God’s unfailing love and help, I will be able to continue to have a peaceful heart.**
May God bless you richly as you continue to pursue Him. God says, “seek Me and you will find Me.” Jeremiah 29:13 Take Him up on it. ~ God Is Light ~