Video Log #2 – Singing Scripture/I Wait For ~

Video Log – Album Update/Song “Praise the Lord O My Soul”

The Last Days of my Fast ~

September 15th, 2011′ Journal Entry –

I woke up at 5:30am and my back really hurt. I was upset to be up so early again. I took an Ibuprofen, woke Brian up and just laid in bed til’ 6:45am. I felt guilty that I didn’t want to get up and do my devotions. I wanted to be with God, but I was weak and tired. I asked God what He wanted me to do and He said rest. So that is why it is close to 7am. But it amazed me how relevant Jesus Calling (devotional) was to my situation. So I am going to copy the entire entry to remember.

Jesus Calling “Rest in Me, My child. This time devoted to Me is meant to be peaceful, not stressful. You don’t have to perform in order to receive My love. I have boundless, unconditional love for you. How it grieves Me to see My children working for love and trying harder and harder, yet never feeling good enough to be loved. Be careful that your devotion to Me does not become another form of works. I want you to come into My Presence joyfully and confidently. You have nothing to fear, for you wear My own righteousness. Gaze into My eyes, and you will see no condemnation, only Love and delight in the one I see. Be blessed as My face shines radiantly upon you, giving you peace.” inspired by John 15:13; Zephaniah 3:17; Numbers 6:25-26

September 16th – journal entry

I read through my prayer journal from 5-6am. I woke up with my back hurting. How do I put all that I’ve learned during my fast in story form? There is so much.

I kinda thought God would direct me to what to do next in my singing career through this fast, but instead what He did was change my anxious heart into a peaceful one.

Spirit – I love you, Lara. I am so proud of you. You stayed true to your mission to finding Me. I am blessed. Oh My dear child you have no idea what I have instore for you. It is very exciting. Have fun today at CMS. Go and be available. Go and walk in my rest. I am so proud of you. You did it. Isn’t My peace amazing? I am Your Father, Lara and I love you with an unquenchable love. You delight Me. Sing for Me alone. I love to hear you sing for Me.

Jesus Calling “I designed you to live in union with Me. This union does not negate who you are; it actually makes you more fully yourself. When you try to live independently of Me, you experience emptiness and dissatisfaction. You may gain the whole world and yet lose everything that really counts…Though I may lead you along paths that feel dim to you, trust that I know what I am doing. If you follow Me wholeheartedly, you will discover facets of yourself that were previously hidden. I know you intimately-far better than you know yourself. In union with Me, you are complete. In closeness to Me, you are transformed more and more into the one I designed you to be.” inspired by Mark 8:36; Psalm 139:16; 2 Corinthians 3:17-18

** What an incredible time I had with the God of the universe! I had forgotten what it was like to actually have a relationship with Him. Even though I was living for Him I really wasn’t living with Him. I came to a place of surrender. That was what He wanted because it was then that He had the opportunity to work in and through me, changing me from the inside out. I don’t ever want to go back to the worry, the fear, the anxiety, the stress, the frusteration, the anger, the bitterness, the pride, the control, the judgemental spirit, and the wandering, that I felt before my fast. I know and still feel those things, but I have learned to go right to Jesus first and spend time in His Presence. There is nothing on this earth that can compare to His great love. What I have learned in my life, you can learn in yours. God gave us Jesus, His Son, to be the direct link to God Himself. Through Jesus alone, we find grace and mercy. When we receive those things from Him each day we can then be filled up with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22) I realize now those are gifts from God. Going through so much unrest in my life to finding peace, I can tell you it is an amazing gift! There is no one perfect, not one. We all fall short of perfection. I love knowing I am not perfect because there is no pressure to be perfect. = ) I know I will make mistakes, but hopefully with God’s unfailing love and help, I will be able to continue to have a peaceful heart.**

May God bless you richly as you continue to pursue Him. God says, “seek Me and you will find Me.” Jeremiah 29:13 Take Him up on it. ~ God Is Light ~

Being Honest ~

September 4th, 2011 – Journal Entry

Me – God, I’m tired and a bit grumpy. It is 5am. Why did I wake up this early? I feel anxious about going to the Christian Musician Summit. I am making scenarios in my mind. I am also getting sucked back into using the computer. What should I do?

Holy Spirit – Why do you watch the news? Don’t you realize I am in charge of everything? Every time you read the news your anxiety goes up. You don’t need to know about all that goes on in the world. You can only take so much information. Save that storage space for Me. Fill it up with good and noble things. My grace is sufficient for you. (I was reading the news online the evening before. I woke up with all of the latest events swimming in my mind and it was also getting me worried about the other things coming up in my life)

Holy Spirit – The more information you take in, the more judgemental you become. Rest in My love for you. Rest and know I am taking care of you. Thank you for coming to me when you did. And noticing there needed to be a change in your heart. There is so much fighting for your attention. That is why it is important to come to Me first and hear from Me. Then everything will begin to make sense around you. You don’t need to be afraid Lara. I am with you. I know your future. Everyone dies. (this was a great fear of mine coming back up to the surface) Remember I am taking care of the details. I am taking care of you. Rest and know I love you and I want what is best for you. It just takes trusting in my love for you. You are My child. I would never hurt My child. Take heart I have overcome the world.

Me – So life just needs to be simple then?

Holy Spirit – You can find Me in the storms and in the peaceful times. Strip life from the distractions and you will find Me more clearly.

My Distractions:

1) The news
2) Reading everyones posts often
3) Keeping myself busy without stopping for a long break
4) Daydreaming
5) Being lazy
6) Worrying about what other people think

I am craving something to comfort me, like a coffee or tea

Holy Spirit – I am the Way, the Truth, the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.

Jesus Calling devotional – “Worship Me by living close to Me. This was My original design for man, into whom I breathed My very breath of life. This is My desire for you: that you stay near Me as you walk along your life-path.”

Holy Spirit – Why don’t you sit at your piano and sing to Me. I love it when you sing to Me privately. It is so raw. It is from your heart. Don’t worry if your songs will be a success. They are beautiful expressions of your love for Me. I miss them. Please sing for Me, Lara.

Perspective Changes ~

Today I woke up at 6:30am feeling rested and excited to spend time with God before the kids came out at 7am. That thought took me aback because I had been struggling with God about getting up so early. It was mostly an act of obedience. Now I am looking forward to it. Very cool!

September 2nd, 2011′ – Journal Entry

Jesus Calling Devotional “When you depend on Me continually, your whole perspective changes…You begin each day with joyful expectation, watching to see what I will do…You accept weakness as a gift from Me…You keep your plans tentative, knowing that My plans are far superior…This is the intimate adventure I offer you.” inspired by 2 Corinthians 12:9-10; Acts 17:28; Colosians 2:6-7; John 14:20

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

Acts 17:28 “For in Him we live and move and have our being.”

Me – Thank you Father for helping me go back to sleep during the night by reminding me to trust You and not to worry. Thank you for waking me up at 6am again to come spend it with You. What would you like from me today? Help me be available to Your leading and Your purposes.

Holy Spirit – I want you to sing to Me

I closed my eyes, focusing on hearing from God and He spoke to me for 5 mins. How can I write it all down? He addressed my fears and told me to give them to Him. He told me to serve and love my friends and neighbors here; that it was more important for me to do that than to sing to millions. He told me He would take care of the future. He knew my hearts desires and not to worry about them, but trust Him. He told me, my family and I are never alone. There will be hard times but we will get through them with Him right beside us. It was so comforting to hear His voice. Lastly, He told me to enjoy the day and to serve others in His Name.

John 17:5 “and now Father, glorify Me in Your presence with the glory I had with You before the world began.”

Holy Spirit – I am the beginning and the end. I know all things. You plan out your days too much Lara. Leave room to be in My Presence and for Me to use you. Trust in Me. You haven’t been trusting Me and so you have been frustrated. Your children are human too. Show them the grace I have shown to you. They love you. Don’t be selfish. Strip yourself from anything that brings you anxiety.

Good Morning, Lara ~

August 31st, 2011′ Journal Entry –

Holy Spirit – Good morning, Lara. Spend time with Me. (I had my calendar out first thing)

Jesus Calling, ” I am developing your ability to trust Me, to lean on Me, rather than on your understanding. Your natural preference is to plan out your day, knowing what will happen when. My preference is for you to depend on Me continually, trusting Me to guide you and strengthen you as needed. this is how you grow strong in your weakness.” inspired by James 4:13-15; Proverbs 3:5; Isaiah 40:28-31

James 4:13-15 “Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil.”

Holy Spirit – I have shaped you and molded you in My image. Take one day at a time knowing I will guide you. Do not worry. Trust Me. Sing songs to Me; spiritual songs. They bless Me. Work on your craft, your piano; your writing; your singing. Lara, I am going to use you, but you need to be ready. You are not ready, but you’re close…’I am the Way, the Truth, the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.’ I love you. I want your full attention. Walk with Me and I will give you peace. Now go love your children and be kind to your husband. Do not worry; trust Me.

September 1st –

Me – I really don’t know what to say God, so I will listen.

John 8:12 “…I am the Light of the world. Whoever follows Me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Jesus Calling, “Seek Me with your whole being. I desire to be found by you, and I orchestrate the events of your life with that purpose in mind…My continual Presence with you is an absolute promise.” inspired by Deut 4:29; Hebrews 10:23; Psalm 145:20

Psalm 145:20 “The Lord watches over all who love Him, but all the wicked He will distroy.”

Deut 4:7 “You don’t have to swim oceans or ascend into heaven; you just have to understand, believe, and obey the word God has given.”

(I love that!) Plus, with Jesus, we are offered grace when we mess up or fall short, because we will fall short of doing this all the time. We are human. That is why it says in the bible that we are free. Why are we free? Because we have grace covering us. The heavy weight of the constant pressure of doing good and obeying is lifted off our shoulders. Jesus is walking with us daily to help us get through every and all situations we experience. Does this mean we can do anything we want and if we say sorry to God and get His forgiveness and grace we will be okay? No, not really. You see a heart that is humbled and that is greatful for Jesus’ sacrifice, wants to obey and wants to do good. It is an outpouring of gratitude for what God has done for us. He loved us even when we were still doing what we wanted; being selfish and striving for self gratification (sin). How did He do that? It is hard for me to feel love towards the people who have hurt me in my life sometimes. But God loved us still and gave us a chance to be with Him through Jesus’ blood on the cross. What an awesome selfless love. Jesus didn’t sin at all. He was the perfect sacrifice. He took on all of our sin when He died so that we can live without guilt.

Because of my “networking fast” I have realized how great His love is for me. I have learned how precious it is to spend time with God each morning. I don’t want to miss it. Now sometimes I get a wild hair and start whinning, but it is me who misses out and I feel it for the rest of the day.

God loves you! I encourage you to let Him love you and show His love to you. When we give our lives to Him and believe in Jesus, we trade our selfishness, stressed out, guilty lives for a forgiven life; a do over. God begins to mold us as clay, shaping us into the people God intended us to be. He doesn’t ask us to strive to do this on our own; no. By walking in His Presence daily, We begin to shine like stars because of His work in and through us, not because of our goodness. When life starts to get difficult He offers us strength and the ability to get through it when we ask Him. I don’t know about you, but that is an awesome trade off. That is why I love following Jesus. I am humbled He would reach out to me. No day goes by when I do not feel loved for who I am. What a gift! And He offers it to you too! He doesn’t have any favorites. He loves. And those who receive His love, receive a wonderful blessing ~

God Answered ~

August 29th, 2011′ Journal Entry –

Last night I read somewhere that God wants us to give Him the quietness of each morning so we can be tuned in to His voice and His presence throughout the day. I have been waking up very tired lately. I prayed if God wanted me to do my devotions in the early morning before the family woke up then would He wake me up at the right time with energy. I fell asleep at 9:30pm and got up at 6:00am without feeling tired. Here I am now sitting on the kitchen chair with the sliding glass door open to let the cool, fresh air in. It is still a bit too dark to sit outside. I at least can feel the coolness of the morning. I hear the birds chirping and cawing to one another, and the traffic of workers already racing to their jobs. Thank you God for waking me up with energy.

Holy Spirit – You are My child in whom I love. You brighten up My day when I watch you play. Be yourself, Lara. Enjoy your day. Enjoy what I’ve given you. Enjoy, enjoy. For life is short.

Me – What else?

Holy Spirit – Read Jesus Calling

Jesus Calling Devotional – ” Demonstrate your trust in Me by sitting quietly in My presence. Put aside all that is waiting to be done, and refuse to worry about anything. This sacred time together strengthens you and prepares you to face whatever the day will bring. By waiting with Me before you begin the day’s activities, you proclaim the reality of My living presence. This act of faith-wait before working-is noted in the spirit world, where your demonstration of trust weakens principalities and powers of darkness. The most effective way to resist evil is to draw near to Me. When you need to take action, I will guide you clearly through My Spirit and My Word. The world is so complex and overstimulating that you can easily lose your sense of direction. Doing countless unnecessary activities will dissipate your energy. When you spend time with Me, I restore your sense of direction. As you look to Me for guidance, I enable you to do less but accomplish more.” inspired by Luke 12:22-26; Ephesians 6:12; Proverbs 16:3

Luke 12:22-26 “…since you (humans) can’t do this simple, little thing…” (which is adding one hour to your life. Simple? Little? That would be incredible if we could do that! Shows how small that is to God and implies He does much, much greater things.)

Proverbs 16:3 “Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed.”